Birthing coaches
February 27, 2007
So the birthing center is getting slightly anxious about us. We’re dragging our feet a bit choosing a birth classes and birth styles. I guess a lot of folks have an idea in their head of what they want the birth to be like. Perhaps they see it as ritual or rite of passage. I’m not feeling the romance, though. At this point it feels more like a looming medical crisis — an ordeal my wife and my child will go through with me unable to offer much more than moral support. If there’s something that can make me feel more like a fish’s bicycle, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know about it.
So as much as we want the child, I feel more than a little under siege by folks eager to romanticize the event. And it’s a quirk of my own personality that the more people try to “buck me up” or engage me in the kind of optimistic inspirational claptrap rhetoric common to these events, the more cynical and sarcastic I feel I should be to defend myself from it.
So, anyway there are three basic methods available to us. The Bradley Method, Hypnobirthing, and “Birthing from Within.” As I describe how these methods look to me, keep in mind that I’m under a lot of the kind of stress that makes me make cynical remarks and unfair judgments. I can only describe my first impressions, and I’m not going judging anyone for the birth method they’ve chosen. After all, one must always remember the vital lesson of the Diff’rent Strokes theme song:
Now, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum,
What might be right for you, may not be right for some.
More after the jump.
The Bradley Method®
To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
Most of the classes and doulas seem to be Bradley Method® devotes. There are a couple of things that rub me wrong about this method, also called the “Husband-Coached Method®.” I think it’s that phrase, actually, that turns me off. Since I don’t particularly feel like I can be fully involved, trying to take a leadership role seems artificial at best and like I’m putting my unqualified self into an authority position. And I can’t help but wonder, given the apparently sexist tone of Bradley’s writing, if his motivation for advocating natural childbirth was so women couldn’t dodge Genesis 3:16.
Birthing from Within
Birthing from Within creeps me out in an entirely different way. Which is strange, because for the most part it seems like a very neo-pagan approach. But if anything it seems more artificial to me than a medical birth. I’m more than a little irritated that the variety of “about” links on the site seem to focus more on hype or the method’s creator than the actual method itself. It’s a nice looking website, but trying to figure out what the “Birthing from Within” classes taught beyond the use of art as a therapeutic tool was an infuriating experience. While I’m worried that the Bradley folks might suddenly become all “glory of Christ” on us, I’m truly worried the Birthing from Within folks will have us doing spiral dances in faux Renaissance garb and outrageous accents.
The two of them just seem to have social/political agendas. The only real agenda I’d like sharing the room with us is the one that sees my wife and child healthy and happy at the end of it.
Hypnobirthing
Which is probably why Hypnobirthing, the method described by the unfortunately named Dr. Grantley Dick-Read, seems like the least objectionable approach. It acknowledges — and seeks to counteract — the fear and anxiety that accompany childbirth. It does not seem patronizing; it does not seem overly paternal. And as described it seems — above all else — practical. On the other hand: it’s called “hypnobirthing.” And its promises of pain-free labor seem much too good to be true. With a spamilicious name like Grantley Dick-Read, could this possibly be some sort of new Nigerian scam?
Perhaps you understand the conundrum. I would be thankful if you could share your thoughts — either on what I have right or why I’m totally off-base — in the comments. We have to choose something, and soon.
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February 27th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Did you decided to use a Birthing Center vs. a Hospital?
February 27th, 2007 at 3:43 pm
Yes, it’s a birth center. The birth center is also very matter-of-fact, and officially agnostic about what birth class, etc., we are inclined to take.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
So whatever happened to Lamaze? I know that’s what my mom used back in 1973/74. Obviously I have no personal insights here, buy my mom did tell me a couple of years ago that the breathing techniques actually worked really well for her.
February 27th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Oh, my! I just followed your link to the Bradley page, and there was a link about “husband-coached birth” that contained an essay by Dr. Bradley himself. Among other…interesting…items, it contained this little gem:
“I don’t deliver babies. I have the privilege to teach men how to teach their wives to give birth to babies. We orient our entire approach to the male - to the head of the family, the man.”
Yikes! The whole essay is…um…yeah.
I also searched on Lamaze, which is still around and apparently New and Improved! For the 21st Century! No idea if this means you get to eat astronaut ice cream at the classes, though.
(www.lamaze.org)
February 27th, 2007 at 5:50 pm
I feel like we missed a whole portion of the birthing preparation experience — and for the better. We had birthing classes, had the baby in a hospital but with a midwife, yet we never once heard anything about choosing a birthing method. And I’m glad. I think it would have been one more stress on top of an already stressful situation.
So what did we do at our birthing classes? We went through the stages of a birth. We talked a lot about labor, including a really interesting (and effective) activity to simulate the intensity of labor: we had to hold an ice cube in hour hand for the time of an entire contraction. First for thirty seconds; then sixty; then ninety. We learned about breast feeding and bottle feeding and the advantages/disadvantages of both (not many disadvantages to breast feeding, other than some inconvenience when the mother returns to work). We birth partners learned some massage techniques to help calm our expectant mother. We did all this and more, but we never once talked about birthing methods.
Our birthing experience was very fast (four hours from water breaking to holding our daughter) but very natural. Our midwife was very calm and matter-of-fact about it, yet at the same time warm and encouraging. K opted for a water birth and she said that she wouldn’t do it any other way now.
As for you feeling useless — in my experience, I felt very much like that while the nurses were hooking up K for the obligatory monitoring and asking question after question after question. But once K was in the water, I felt like I was actually doing something: I was physically supporting her a lot of the time; rearranging towels that were used to soften the tub; bringing ice water; holding her hand during contractions; whispering seemingly useless encouragement to her; remaining quiet during contractions (”Just shut up, please!” — don’t be surprised if you hear it.).
As far as what actually to choose, I don’t know. I think a lot of it just goes out the window when the actual time comes. After all, it’s not a philosophical colloquium or an exercise in formal logic. It’s above all a natural experience that literally billions before have been through. I’m afraid that having a given “birthing method” would have been an added complication.
In our experience, I think the most important thing was having a very, very clear idea of what to expect and a few methods of dealing with the inevitable difficulties and pain.
February 27th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Hi John,
I may be misreading things, but it’s important to note the difference between your birth plan and the birth class. The latter often helps in developing the former, but they serve slightly different purposes: to define the ideal/preferred birth scenario, and to educate you both on what to expect/what can go wrong/what you (both) can do to avoid risks and have a healthy baby after all that good labor. (Esther has swayed me: labor is actually a good term because you do have to work for it, but the reward is beyond anything else you could experience).
By the way, the no-pain birth is a myth (even ask those who were drugged to the gills). But you can greatly reduce that pain by understanding how the body responds during stress and preparing for that experience with whatever combination of relaxation, environment, support, food/drink, etc. works for you. Learning how to flow with the pain of contractions (Bene Gesserit, anyone?) by relaxing through them certainly helped Esther get through 108 hrs of them (unusual to be that long; most first labors are ~12-24). I wish I could lay my hands on the studies, but a few have pointed to the benefits (to baby) of a natural, unmedicated birth. Apparently the natural hormones create a nice memory fog for mom, too (while it was alarming to hear Esther in pain during childbirth, I have many more memories of that than she does: she mostly remembers the greatest ecstasy when Lukas was born).
When we were researching classes, the depth of material and length of instruction was what sold us on Bradley. LaMaze (while having adopted some elements of Bradley and other methods) is still in the “doctor knows best” (i.e., conservative) vein. We found Birthing from Within to be an interesting book, but a bit flaky for a class proper. Hypnobirthing seems to share elements of other relaxation-based methods (Bradley), but I can’t comment on what else it covers.
The modern interpretation of Bradley takes a “mom knows best” approach except for a *true* medical emergency (in which case you want the doctor to know and do best). We found today’s Bradley instructors (and materials) eschew the paternal/condescending tone of his book - thankfully, as if we had read the book before we had talked with the instructors, we may have gone a different direction. Bradley was the first to advocate the husband being with/supporting the wife during childbirth against the leading medical views of the day (yes, those were the “I love whiskey/Papa knows best” sexist 70s, thus the tone).
Like all good methods, it’s a take what works for you approach. Coaching may sound like an imposition or power play, but most instructors will use the term partner or advocate or some other term. The truth is, you are (and will need to be) an active partner. Because (especially if giving birth in a hospital, but even a birth center/home birth) you know your wife best, will have discussed your birth plan with her and know your goals best, and will be the main advocate of her & baby’s health (and the plan), given her state may preclude her active role at times.
One of the most useful things about our class was the lengthy treatment given to the cascade of medical interventions. It’s important to know how innocuous acts (e.g., pitocin IV) can quickly spiral into a C-section for no reason other than the hospital *just does things that way to cover their lawsuit-scaredy ass*. Keeping the scalpel (and drugs) away are more important to some than others, but we were firmly in the left-wing keep-the-doctors-at-bay camp, which is why we picked Bradley.
Which brings me to the observation on Jesus. Or rather, the lack of a Jesus prescription in our class. With due respect to the godless left (you know that’s a myth), a non-proselytizing culture is what we experienced (of course, the students in any given class will influence it as well). But most Bradley instructors we interviewed (yes, I’d suggest you do this, regardless of the method you ultimately choose) were secular/humanist/liberals. They respect your beliefs, but aren’t about to force a specific religious view on you (or else most Bradley attendees would likely be pagans - jk).
Whew. Apologies for the length of the reply; I hope this helps. As always, feel free to ping me if you want to discuss.
February 28th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Thanks, everyone!
Chrissy, Lamaze might be an option but we hadn’t investigated it — just the three that we thought were typical.
GLS, I think you’re probably right; I bet much of it does go out the window. Maybe the birth classes are more to keep you calm and occupied during the last few weeks? They probably play a useful sociological role.
Ted, I’m glad to hear Bradley’s updated a bit — I probably didn’t give them a fair shake. Maybe I’ll read one of the newer books just to augment my understanding of the medical issues.
March 4th, 2007 at 9:49 am
[...] has been doing most of the babyblogging lately. The birthing “method” discussion is here and a scan of the best of the ultrasound photos we brought home is [...]