Some things that should have cost GTA a point (or two)

May 13, 2008

Forgive me for sounding so curmudgeonly about video games recently. Before we get started, let me say I’m enjoying playing GTA IV. After some initial nerves caused by the very realistic look the game has, I’m back on track running over pedestrians and side-swiping cop cars. I think the story is great and the dialog some of the best and most intelligent they’ve written for a game. The satire is sharp as always and I am still convinced this is the reason so many politicians and journalists seem to have a thing about this game.

But the game is not perfect.

I guess you wouldn’t expect it to be perfect, except most magazines apparently decided to give the game their highest, most perfectest score. IGN gave it a 10, as did disgraced review-portal Gamespot. But a lot of other publications, large and small, put GTAIV in its top slot. The reader-review scores are running anywhere from just under a point to a point-and-a-half behind, either of which strikes me as more realistic.

The driving and car mechanics are much better and more interesting than the older PS2 versions. But don’t you think it odd that you can sheer a telephone pole off the ground with the slightest touch, but bounce off a sapling the thickness of Kate Moss’s wrist?

But where the game fails, and I mean in a frustrated throw-the-controller-across-the-room way, is in character control outside of the vehicle. Even when your game-avatar Nico is sober you might find yourself doing stupid things like walking into a wall or turning past (or before) the staircase you meant to walk up. It’s one thing to fail to negotiate a 90-degree turn while going 70 MPH in beat-up land-yacht with just two remaining tires. It’s other to completely fail while on foot. ( See also: Cracked’s Fifth Commandment. )

Because the game privileges natural motion over player usability, controlling Nico is maddening when response times matter. If you’re in hot pursuit of a guy who suddenly goes up a ladder, well, you want to leap up the ladder too. But press the “climb ladder” button and Nico strolls over and puts his foot on the first rung like he’s going to go clean out the gutters. Yes, nice, pretty, good physics there, but DAMMIT NICO HE’S GETTING AWAY!

Who the hell asked for a walking simulator anyway?

What you can take cover behind in a firefight is a complete mystery to me. Sometimes I hit the “cover” button and Nico takes cover. Sometimes I hit it and he doesn’t. Sometime I hit it and he takes cover behind something entirely different. The same goes for swinging a punch. Nico swings a punch at a glacial pace — the same pace he climbs a ladder. If you hit the “punch” button again too soon, Nico might just decide to sit the next punch out. The GTA III series of games had this part pretty much nailed, but somehow we slid way, way backwards in GTA IV to a universe where Kung Fu Master never existed.

Yes, much of the game is groundbreaking and there are a lot of nice environmental effect touches here and there. The writing is excellent and hilarious as always. But Rockstar forgot the gameplay. The little things video games have been doing right for ages Rockstar somehow managed to miss. And so it’s not a ten. Maybe an 8. If I could rip the talk radio tracks to my MP3 player and listen to them on the way to work, it’d be an 8.5. Certainly very good. But not perfect.

Posted in Entertainment