Not serious, are we?

July 28, 2004

I took my wife to the doctor yesterday (your basic health-maintenence visit), so I had plenty of time in the waiting rooms to watch CNN. My theory is they have the TV turned to CNN to elevate your blood pressure and hence turn you into a heart patient. I have the same theory, incidentally, about the design of the parking garage.

Anyway, I heard a little griping about the bloggers covering the convention. There was some sneering comment about bloggers only being interested in the parties—that’s the “open bar” parties, not the political parties—and how most of the bloggers seemed concerned about who was wearing what and what the gossip was.

Well, I suppose compared to CNN’s in-depth, issue-based coverage it does seem pretty pathetic.

Now, I didn’t get to watch CNN continuously, see, because we had to visit three different offices. But this is the kind of sober coverage I saw:

A news reporter describes both John Kerry and Dubbya’s response to the 9/11 commission report, explaining how both are trying to use the report to score points on the other. The news anchor listens to this analysis, and then responsibly asks for more details and clarification. “I hear the president fell off his bike yesterday, can you tell us a little more about that?” I’m a democrat and I was looking for a brick to hurl through the tube.

CNN kept plugging live coverage of a John Kerry campaign speech in Norfolk, Virginia. They hurriedly broke to the speech when Kerry began speaking and kept attention on him for awhile. then they muted the sound and started interviewing a RNC communications director, asking him to rebut Democrat talking points while the Democrat was still delivering his talking points. I couldn’t follow what he was saying though, because the groaning and moaning in the waiting room was very distracting.

Then, for news of the campaign trail we went to an Englishman with what sounded for all the world like a phoney English accent—somewhere between Robin Leech and a Monty Python gumby—who explains to us the importance of rubber ducks in American culture and how people in the diner he’s in have not watched any of the convention so it’s not worth covering. There was more, but it was drowned out by screams of agony. I’m not sure what was going on, but they stopped soon after an orderly stuck a needle in my arm.

They also gave me some nice nitroglycerin pills and a handful of prozac. Since they were handing out samples I asked for oxycontin, too, but they said that was reserved for radio personalities. Things go a little fuzzy after that, but now that CNN is off I’m feeling much better.

Posted in So Called Media