Interview Me

August 19, 2003

The way this game is played is like this: you comment or email that you want to be interviewed, and I send you five questions to answer and put on your own weblog. And then when people ask *you* to be interviewed, you write them five questions, and so on and so on. Here’s the rules from “Betty’s site”:http://maximumverbosit.blogspot.com/2003_08_01_maximumverbosit_archive.html#106082799685474521. And Betty’s questions are below. Thanks to “Fred”:http://www.unreality.net/weblog/archives/2003_08_01_index.html#106095915773987699 who pointed this whole thing out to me anyway. Private to Fred: the answer to your question is “yes.”

1. If you were suddenly appointed Emperor of the World, what what be your first decree? “You kids get out of my yard.” If I’m going to be emperor of the world, the last thing I need to deal with is traffic. Sure, it would uproot a lot of lives and devestate economies, but what do I care? I’m emperor. Then for my second decree I’d make “Nicole”:http://www.thegofish.com/ knit me a “devil hat”:http://www.thegofish.com/archives/001848.php before anyone else got theirs.

2. Have you ever met anybody who scored 100% on the “geek quiz”:/geekquiz.php, and if so, did they frighten you? I’ve heard from a few people who’ve insisted they scored 100%, but I don’t think anyone’s done it on the first try. That there are people who keep poking at it until they find all the points is strange, but I’m very flattered they take the time. The *scariest* people are the ones who write in and say “OMG I scorred like -5%!!!?!? How is that even posable?!?”

3. Why can’t a woodchuck chuck wood, anyway? Woodchucks are actually quite capable of chucking wood. The forepaws seem reasonably shaped for grasping, and the arms are fairly beefy — I’m sure they could manage a chuck. Possibly even a toss, or — dare I say it? — a heave. What they are, however, is resentful that they’re only known as woodchuckers when there are so many other ways they contribute to society. I am sure that once we give the woodchuck the respect it deserves (third decree), it’ll turn into a genuine wood chucking fool. For those of you who want to know how much, “Cecil Adams has the Answer”:http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_083a.html.

4. What five fictional characters would you pick to be stranded on a desert island with (assuming you had to be stranded on a desert island with five fictional characters for unspecified reasons)? Well, what comes to mind first are the people I don’t want to be stranded with. The cast of _Lord of the Flies_ springs immediately to mind, as does Kurtz from _Heart of Darkness_.

And then I thought, well, Robinson Caruso is known for being a survivalist, but that’d actually take two people because Caruso was useless without Friday, and having them both there would be so dull I’d probably end up hanging myself with an ivy noose.

So my first two choices would be the Professor (because he’s more of a fun-loving geek) and Mary Ann (for obvious reasons), but the rest of the cast can stay away from me, thank you very much. Because we need a good antagonist to keep things interesting, the Brain and Pinky would come in handy. And for that fifth… I take it back. Piggy from _Lord of the Flies_ can join us. We’ll all need someone to pick on and I’d rather that someone not be me.

5. “Where are your car keys?”:/archives/002652.php Haven’t the foggiest. In order of probibility: on the bookshelf, on the end-table by the couch, on the desk behind the couch, on my computer desk, in the pocket of yesterday’s pants (good name for a novel that, _Yesterday’s Pants_), and in the fridge next to the milk.

Posted in Archived Unsorted