More on Polygeek Test

Well, it looks like most of the scores are hovering between 0% and 50%. Which means I probably have the test tuned properly. On the other hand, it also means there are four responses that just aren’t getting any play.

If you want to take the test go here. If you just want to read all the responses (this is kind of a spoiler) read on…

Scores 0% and Lower:

Boy, you really broke through the bottom on this one. You are SO not geek. I recommend staying away from conventions, computer stores, colleges, universities, or anywhere else people might display the slightest interest in something other than what’s on TV at the present moment. Your mere presence among geeks of any degree is incredibly dangerous to the continued existence of the known universe. Here, I’ll say it slow so you can understand: Anti-geek + Geek = Big Boom. Now go read a book, for god’s sake.

Commentary: I think maybe one person has scored low enough to get this answer so far; I hope they were trying for a low geek score. The male icon is Leonardo DiCaprio, despite the fact that he did a pretty decent job of playing Romeo. See, I attribute that to the director. The female icon is Heather Graham with what is quite possibly the stupidest expression I have ever seen on a human being.

Scores 0% to 25%:

OK, so maybe you ain’t a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you’re probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Commentary: A lot of people are scoring here. The male icon is, of course, Mr. Terminator himself. I think he’s supposed to be smiling, but it looks to me like he needs his diaper changed. The female is Christina Applegate Drew Barrymore.

Scores 26% to 50%:

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator.

Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend.
You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You’ll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines!
Geek [to You]: I’m givin’ her all she’s got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals!
You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Commentary: This is where most of the results are sorting; it makes sense that most technical people with weblogs are going to end up here, actually. You can read this as “social geek” if you prefer. The male icon is David Duchovny, who is not a geek (as far as I know) but he plays one on TV. The female icon is Kirsten Dunst, who’s Mary Jane character in Spider Man is not a geek but someone inclined to dating geeks.

Scores 51% to 75%:

You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you’ll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you’re a technical geek, you’ll be able to afford it, too. If you’re not a technical geek, you’re geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don’t date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You’ll constantly try to out-geek the other.
Commentary: Very very few people are scoring this high: about four people so far including me. The male icon is Drew Carey, because, well, yeah. He’s a geek I’m sure. I suppose I could also use Al Franken. The female icon is Jodie Foster because she played that scientist person in Contact.

Scores 76% to 99%:

OK. There is such a thing as too much geekness. I suspect you’re spending far too much time with the boys or girls of the Internet. The closer your score is to 100%, the closer you are to going right out the other side and being a nerd. Geeks rule. Where geek are socially-inept, nerds are socially incompetent. Not even geeks can take nerds. So let’s be careful, huh? Watch a little TV, maybe listen to some popular radio, read a little Stephen King, anything to ensure you can communicate with the 99.44% of the population that isn’t all that concerned with the minutiae of whatever it is you happen to be geeky about. It’s OK to be a geek, but go much further and you’ll be a genuine bore.
Commentary: 0 people in this rank so far. The male icon: that’s Weird Al. If you don’t own any Weird Al albums, you get a significnt reduction in your score; I cannot accept that anyone can be a geek and not have at least one Weird Al album. The female icon is Janeane Garafolo wearing a traffic cone. She’s the geekiest female celebrity I can think of.

Perfect Score:

My GOD you’re INSANE. This is the highest score possible. This means 1 of 11 things:
1: You are a complete poser who answered every question with the answer you thought would get you the highest score possible without regard for the truth. In which case, you’re a nerd. Good job, you did it. Now get going.
10: You’re a geek who’s been playing with the test to find out what all the answers should be. Good going! you found the secret five points. That doesn’t change the fact that you probably scored between 50% and 75% the first time through, though.
11: You are naturally that geeky. Which means you scare me. Please don’t write me to correct the science of my test. Yes, I know it’s not scientifically accurate. Go away, kid, you bother me.
Commentary: It would take work to get this high a score, I think — you’d have to slog through the source code and find where I hid five points. The male icon is a very young Bill Gates. The female icon was formerly Mayim Balik (bottom), who dropped out of television to study marine biology, but some wise test-takers suggested Michelle Meyrink (Jordan from Real Genius) instead. This picture was taken from Alan’s Michelle Meyrink page. Alan is a little obsessed. Not that we blame him.