Number Ones
September 6, 2008
I suspect I will regret this, but I’ll follow my brother and play this game. Here are the rules:
Go here and see what was on the top of the charts on the day you were born and every birthday thereafter. Learn just how astrologically-musically lame your life has been. If you want, add in your own favorite Hot 100 hit single of that year, wishing that your birthday had been cool enough to have that song be #1.
- 1974: “Annie’s song,” John Denver. Favorite: “Kung Fu Fighting,” Carl Douglas
- 1975: “One of These Nights,” the Eagles. Favorite: “Pick Up the Pieces,” the Average White Band
- 1976: “Kiss and say Goodbye,” the Manhattans. Favorite: “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” Paul Simon. Looks like ‘76 was dull.
- 1977: “I Just Want to Be Your Everything,” by Andy Gibb. Favorite: “Car Wash” by Rose Royce.
- 1978: “Shadow Dancing” by Andy Gibb. Favorite: “MacArthur Park” by Donna Summer.
OK, we have to take a little break here. WTF is an “Andy Gibb”? Ah, I see. The youngest, non-Bee Gee Gibb brother. “MacArthur Park” is a default favorite since it’s got such inscrutable silly lyrics:
MacArthur Park is melting in the dark,
All the sweet green icing flowing down.
Someone left the cake out in the rain,
And I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again,
Oh no.
- 1979: “Bad Girls” Donna Summer. Favorite: “Heart of Glass,” Blondie
- 1980: “Magic”, Olivia Newton John. Favorite: “Another Brick in the Wall Part II,” Pink Floyd
- 1981: “Jessie’s Girl,” Rick Springfield. Favorite: “I Love a Rainy Night,” Eddie Rabbit
- 1982: “Eye of the Tiger,” Survivor. Favorite: “Centerfold,” J. Geils Band
- 1983: “Every Breath You Take,” Police. Favorite: Billie Jean, Michael Jackson
- 1984: “When Doves Cry,” Prince. Favorite: “Ghostbusters,” Ray Parker Jr.
- 1985: “Every Time You Go Away,” Paul Young. Favorite: “Money for Nothing,” Dire Straits.
“Money for Nothing” is still one of my favorite songs. It’s one of the few on this list so far that I have.
- 1986: “Glory of Love,” Peter Cetera. Favorite: “Walk Like an Egyptian,” the Bangles.
- 1987: “Shakedown,” Bob Seger. Favorite: “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” U2
Getting into the high-school years for me now.
- 1988: “Roll With It,” Steve Winwood. Favorite: “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” Guns N’ Roses.
- 1989: “Toy Soldiers,” Martika. Favorite: “Good Thing,” Fine Young Cannibals. This was the Milli Vanilli year.
- 1990: “She Ain’t Worth It,” Glenn Medeiros featuring Bobby Brown. Favorite: Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice.
- 1991: “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You,” Bryan Adams. Favorite: “Joyride,” Roxette.
I graduated in 1991. I stand by the Vanilla Ice choice. for my analysis of “Ice Ice Baby,” see Too Cold, Too Cold.
- 1992: “Baby Got Back,” Sir Mix-a-Lot. Favorite: the same!
- 1993: “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by UB40. Favorite: Poking my eyes out.
- 1994: “I Swear,” All-4-One. Favorite: “The Sign,”
AbbaAce Of Base - 1995: “Waterfalls,” TLC. Favorite: “Creep,” TLC
- 1996: “You’re Makin’ Me High” / “Let It Flow,” Toni Braxton. Favorite: “No Diggity,” Blackstreet.
- 1997: “I’ll Be Missing You,” Puff Daddy. Favorite: ugh.
I think this is about the time I start losing the pop music thread. When people say “when did you decide not to be hip,” I will say “Puff Daddy. I didn’t leave hip, hip left me.”
- 1998: “The Boy Is Mine,” Brandy and Monica. Favorite: “One Week,” Barenaked Ladies
- 1999: “Genie in a Bottle,” Christina Aguilera. Favorite: “Smooth,” Santana
- 2000: “It’s Gonna Be Me,” ‘N Sync. Favorite: “Smooth” again.
- 2001: “U Remind Me,” Usher. Favorite: “It Wasn’t Me,” Shaggy.
Pity me, I am really stretching here to find a song that doesn’t immediately trigger a gag reflex.
- 2002: “Hot in Herre,” Nelly. Favorite: “The Surrey with the Fringe on Top,” Miles Davis.
- 2003: “Crazy in Love,” BeyoncĂ© featuring Jay-Z. Favorite: “The Purple People Eater,” Sheb Wooley
- 2004: “Confessions Part II,” Usher. Favorite: “I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front of Me (than a Frontal Lobotomy),” Randy Hanzlick.
Other hit songs for 2004 were “Hey Ya,” “Yeah,” “Goodies,” and “My Boo,” which suggest to me that pop rock devolved into near monosylabic grunts.
- 2005: “We Belong Together,” Mariah Carey. Favorite: “Hollaback Girl,” Gwen Stefani.
- 2006: “Promiscuous,” Nelly Furtado. Favorite: whimper
- 2007: “Hey There Delilah,” Plain White T’s. Favorite: Sean Kingston? Kill me now.
- 2008: “I Kissed a Girl,” Katy Perry. Favorite: I haven’t even heard any of these.
I wrote about the experience of listening to top-40 radio in 2007 here: Popular Culture No Longer Applies to Me.
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